Cat Bathing as a Martial Art

Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength.

A. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)

B. Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself.

I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask and a long-sleeved flak jacket.

C. Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule.)

D. Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo.

You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.

E. Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded.

Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't expect too much.)

F. Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined.

In fact, the drying is simple compared with what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.

In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.

You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case.

As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath.

But at least now he smells a lot better

Hairballs -- 8 Ways to Lick the Problem

Few creatures are as fastidious as felines. They can spend hours licking their coats, and when they've covered every inch, they'll happily start again. They don't seem to mind swallowing a little hair -- it's all part of good grooming.

Sometimes, however, fur that should pass right through the digestive system gets trapped in the stomach. As more and more hair arrives, it begins forming an uncomfortable wad. That's when your pet starts gagging, hacking and trying to vomit it up.

While his retching may look wretched, hairballs are rarely a serious problem. "Most cats get hairballs at some point in their lives, and everything usually comes out fine," says Charles W. Hickey, D.V.M., a veterinarian in private practice in Richmond, Virginia. Try these tips to help make the process a little easier.

Try a tasty alternative.
Some hairball lubricants are downright delicious to cats. There are several delectable kinds available, like Laxatone and Petromalt. "I had a cat that loved his hairball remedy so much that he was always looking around the house for it," says Dr. Hickey.

Fix it with fiber.
"Sometimes a higher-fiber pet food is all it takes to accelerate the passage of a hairball," says Martin J. Fettman, D.V.M., Ph.D., professor of pathology and clinical nutrition at the Colorado State University College of Veterinary Medicine and Biomedical Sciences in Fort Collins. When shopping for a high-fiber food, look for one containing 3.5 to 10 percent fiber. The fiber percentage is listed on the label.

Foil his fleas.
"If your cat is infested, he could be grooming himself more than usual and consequently swallowing more hair," says Dr. Hickey. "If you have a tried-and-true flea-busting method, use it, and your cat's hair-ball problems should improve," he says.

Coif your kitty.
"Combing and brushing your cat's fur every day can do wonders for hairball prevention," says Gary Beard, D.V.M., assistant dean at the Auburn University College of Veterinary Medicine in Alabama. "Cats can shed hundreds of hairs a day, especially in spring and summer. If you brush these hairs away, your cat's not going to be swallowing so many," he says.

Then wipe him down.
"After grooming your cat, use a moist washcloth to remove loose hairs your comb or brush might have missed," advises Dr. Dalley.

Take his mind off his fur.
"Some cats have personalities that make them compulsive lickers -- they can't get enough of grooming themselves," says Dr. Fettman. "Overgrooming can also be a response to stress. To give your cat a much-needed distraction, he recommends playing with him more often. If you give him something else to put his energy into, his grooming may become more normal and his hairballs may diminish," he says.

When to See the Vet
Although most hairballs are, well, hair today and gone tomorrow, some are longer-lasting -- and much more dangerous.

"I once saw a hairball, if you could call it that, that had gathered so much hair that it was 12 inches long. It went from halfway down the cat's esophagus all the way deep into the intestinal tract," says Charles W. Hickey, D.V.M., a veterinarian in private practice in Richmond, Virginia.

"Sometimes even normal-size hairballs can cause intestinal blockage or choking," he adds. "That's why experts advise a trip to the vet if the retching continues for more than three days or if your cat is constipated or refuses food for more than a day. A hairball that blocks the digestive tract can be deadly, so catching it early is important," says Dr. Hickey.

*Note: As long as your pet has no dietary restrictions, there are some brands of cat food formulated specifically to fight and prevent hairballs.

Cleaning Your Cat's Ears

Many cats are excellent self-groomers and rarely need ear care, while others should have routine cleanings. If you notice wax, dirt or other debris, then it is probably time for a cleaning.

For those cats that need it, cleaning and caring for your pet's ears are important ways to reduce the chance for ear infections and excess waxy build up. Routine cleaning and/or at-home examination lets you detect any infections or other problems early.

If you suspect your pet already has an ear problem, visit your veterinarian immediately. Prompt treatment offers a better prognosis, reduces the potential for chronic disease, hearing loss, and gives earlier relief for any discomfort your pet may have.

Any discharge, odor, excess scratching, pawing or rubbing at the ears, redness, pain, swelling or masses may indicate an infection or other abnormality.

To clean normal ears, choose a mild ear cleaner specifically for use in animals. Don't use vinegar, alcohol or hydrogen peroxide routinely. These substances can be irritating to some cats and painful to an already inflamed ear canal.

There are several types of cleaners to choose from. Some cleaners break up wax, while others dry the ear canal. There are combination products as well. Consult your veterinarian for help in choosing the best options for your pet.

Ear cleaning starts with good general grooming. Excess, dirty or matted hair should be removed from around the ear canal and the ear flap. Heavy, matted or constantly moist surrounding hair will decrease air flow to the ear canal, trap wax and other debris, and can lead to infection. After grooming the ear area, it is time to actually clean out the ear canals. Always be gentle! The ear canals and flaps are sensitive. Overly aggressive cleaning can actually cause damage to the delicate ear structures.

Here are some tips for a successful ear-cleaning regimen:
 

1. Dribble a small amount (a few drops) of the appropriate ear cleaning solution into the ear. The solution should flow down deep into the canal.
    
2. Massage gently at the ear base for 5-10 seconds - you will probably hear the solution "squish" around as you massage. This should not be painful for your pet. If it is, have him or her examined by your veterinarian.
    
3. Repeat the cleaning procedure with the other ear canal.
    
4. After massaging, stand back and let your pet shake his or her head to bring softened wax up out of the ear canals.
    
5. Use clean cotton balls to gently wipe out and up the canal, removing any wax, debris, or cleaning solution you see. You may need to use cotton balls that have been pulled in half.
    
6. Avoid cotton swabs, unless your pet will be very still and allow ear care without moving the head. Even in that case, never place the swab any farther into the ear canal than you can see. A cotton swab placed too deeply or forcefully into the ear can cause ear drum damage, pain and hearing

Why Is My Cat Scratching At Her Ears?

Occasional light scratching is normal. However, persistent scratching or pawing at the ears or head can be an indication of ear infection, injury, excess earwax, something lodged in the ear or skin problems. Some ear problems may not be easily visible and require a deep ear exam by a veterinarian to be properly evaluated. Any discharge, odor, redness, pain, swelling, or masses may indicate an infection or other abnormality. If you suspect your cat has an ear problem, visit your veterinarian immediately. Prompt treatment offers a better prognosis, reduces the potential for chronic disease, hearing loss, and offers relief from discomfort.